hairstyles, natural hair, product recommendations, protective style, Tips & Tricks

The Do’s and Don’ts of Mixed Kid Hair Care

Do's and Don'ts of Mixed Kid Hair Care - Blog Cover

After reading many, many different posts in a few Biracial / Mixed /  Multiracial / Curly Hair Facebook groups I’m in… I decided to put together a list of my top Do’s and Don’ts of taking care of Mixed kid hair.

Do's and Don'ts of Mixed Kid Hair Care by TheMixedMamaBlog

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  1. THROW AWAY THE BRUSH!!

    Seriously parents. Do NOT brush your kids hair. Unless they are one of the few multiracial kids that don’t have any curl in their hair. But if they are like a majority of biracial kids then do.not.ever. brush their hair. It should only be combed while wet. My personal favorite comb is the Conair Wide Tooth Shower Comb.

    Conair Shower Comb-Top Products for Mixed Hair

  2. CONDITION, CONDITION, CONDITION.

    You should be using some form of, some combination of, some concoction of conditioner. Whether that is a leave-in, or moisturizing conditioner in the bath, and/or a deep conditioner. Honestly I recommend doing all of the above. In the shower/bath we use Mane n’ Tail Conditioner. We lather the hair in this before combing with the Shower Comb. We rinse mostly all of it out. Then we coat the hair with CurlyKids Curly Crème Conditioner. Again I comb it through the hair with the comb. DO NOT RINSE OUT. We also do a deep-conditioning treatment at least once per month, but usually bi-weekly. If you would like to see the process and products we use you can see our previous post here where we review the Thermal Hair Care’s Little Hot Heads Heat Cap.

  3. FIND AN OIL THAT WORKS FOR THEIR HAIR

    You have probably heard of the LOC or LCO method. The method basically means LIQUID. OIL. CONDITIONER or  LIQUID. CONDITIONER. OIL. Its a layering technique to seal in moisture. The thing is though…. not all oils work for all hair. Try out different kinds until you figure out what works. I have read for a lot of people Coconut Oil (this is the one we have) actually dries out a bunch of multiracial kids hair, and other fellow curly haired beauties hair. But you are in luck. There are A TON  of different kinds to try: Almond Oil, Castor Oil (also supposedly helps hair grow), Macadamia Oil, etc. (Linked the highest customer rated products on Amazon for yall… aren’t I sweet? Lol Here is a list of the Top 10 Rated Hair Oils on Amazon)  Lately we have been using Righteous Roots Oil blend. Not only is it made by a small business mom, but it SMELLS AMAZING!! My daughter and I LOVE how it smells. Seriously. Try it out. It is a Pre-Poo oil, but can also be used as the O/Oil in the LCO/LOC method. We also use it in our deep conditioner treatment listed above. (LOVE multifunctional products!)

  4. LEARN A SIMPLE PROTECTIVE HAIR STYLE

    Mixed kids hair has special needs and precautions you have to take as a parent. It is your responsibility to learn them. One of the basics is to keep their hair in a protective style, especially at night time while they sleep, or while they are swimming, or running around playing. This will help prevent knots and keep their hair healthy. If you need some ideas I have already done a few simple tutorial posts that you can check out here, here, and here on this blog.

    Super Simple Braid Hairstyle Tutorial

    Super Simple Braid Hairstyle Tutorial

  5. DO NOT OVERWASH HAIR!

    Simply put… multiracial/curly hair has different needs than Caucasian/white/straight people’s hair. I could technically wash my hair everyday and it would be fine. But… if I washed my kids hair everyday?! It would be SO DRY. Don’t do it. We wash once per week. But that is only because my daughter has a more oily scalp like I do. When we wash we use a nourishing shampoo and only shampoo her roots. ONLY THE ROOTS. Some people can go even longer without washing. Actually… there an entire Curly Girls group on Facebook with over 50,000 members that DON’T EVEN USE SHAMPOO!! (it’s called co-washing). And let me tell you… their hair looks amazing. Figure out what works for your children and don’t be afraid to try something that is different. Cantu Care For Kids Tear Free Nourishing Shampoo - Gentle Care for Textured Hair

  6. MAKE A REFRESH SPRAY

    Ok… what am I even talking about. Basically go to the dollar store, get a spray bottle, and fill it with water, some hair oil, and some conditioner, shake up, and use this throughout the week. This can be used in between washes to help “refresh” the hair and add some moisture. This also makes it easier to re-do hairstyles and revive curls mid-week. Even if we could go an entire week without doing my daughter’s hair, we usually re-do it at least once during the week to try to prevent knots. But that just happens to be what works for us. There are also pre-made sprays out there that you can use. We have a couple that we like and love: Soft & Precious Baby Products – Detangling Moisturizer and Lusti Organics – Olive Oil Hair Sheen.

  7. TEACH YOUR KIDS TO LOVE THEIR HAIR

    This is the MOST IMPORTANT DO. We as parents have the responsibility to teach our children to love their hair. Even if it is different than all the other kids in school, even if they want straight hair like you, even if it makes them stand out. Teach them that their uniqueness is GREAT. I don’t know how many times I’ve read parents wanting to straighten their kids hair because they want to be like the other kids in school. In my mind this teaches them that they have to change who they are to be like others. NOOOOO. NO. NO. Our biracial, multiracial, mixed, curly kids are already going to have to face so much resistance in their lives for their differences. Start as young as possible teaching them to be proud and accepting of their traits.

    Especially vulnerable will be our multiracial daughters and sons with black mixed in. Society tells black/brown people that their natural/curly hair isn’t professional, isn’t acceptable, isn’t desirable… We have to fight that! I want my children to love their natural hair. It is our responsibility as parents to try as hard as we can to accomplish that.  ( I want to add the disclaimer –  I have straightened my daughter’s hair. Twice for her birthday(s) and made sure to remind her that her curly, natural hair is amazing.)

    christmas-morning-curls-after-doing-the-deep-conditioning-treatment

Now please keep in mind this list isn’t exhaustive, and I may come back in the future to edit it as I learn more. We are always learning and I am not afraid to admit if I am wrong and made a mistake. It’s ok if you do too. We, as parents, aren’t perfect. That’s ok. As long as we try as hard as we can for our amazing children that deserve the world.

More of a visual person? Here’s a short video on a few recommendations:

Thanks for taking the time to read. Do you have any other DO’S OR DON’TS for Mixed Kid hair? Let me know below in the comments!

Thanks for reading!
nicholette-the-mixed-mama-signature

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Check out my previous post–> Book Review of Ayo’s Money Jar- MCBD 2017.



145 Comments

  1. Jessica

    I love the way your daughters hair looks in the above pic when it’s curly, I would love for my daughter’s hair to be like that what do you use?..

    • Hi! Thank you! Do you mean the one with the flower and she is smiling?

      • Whitney Westbrooks

        Do you have FB? I would love to follow it??

        • Bianca Rios

          I have tried to find things that work for my daughters hair for years she’s now about to be 4 and I have tried everything and I feel like I’m making it worse plz if you can text me and give me more pointers 3463023464 I’ve given up hope and need more advice she’s a 3c and i . Haven’t straightened due to being scared of frying it out plz help

    • Danniella

      I’m so glad to see you taking a lead on this and helping out other mommas of bi racial children!! I just wanted to address one thing as a momma of 2 biracial girls and a former hairdresser. Babies up to 18 months will have a different texture of hair than what they have from 18mos +, so it’s best to use as little product in their hair as possible. A good organic lil, a mild baby shampoo and satin bonnets are all great but you shouldn’t be using much else at that age. It can cause overgrowth on their scalps, worsen cradle cap and plug their pores which need to breathe to grow that hair. I had the luxury of not using real hair products on my oldest till about 2 years old. That’s when I bought her first kids shampoo and stopped using the aveeno baby wash/shampoo. I also bought her curl activator, a good leave in etc… our routine is very similar to yours! After the wash routine though, I will braid her hair in individual braids, wrap her hair and unafraid the next day after a quick cream moisturizer. That way my lil queen gets to wear her down 1-2 days that week, and let it breathe. A big factor here is for parents to just understand and accept that their kids hair is different and still 100% beautiful.

      • Thanks! I agree with you! Babies don’t need much manipulation. But I do know I couldn’t wait until 2 years for a leave-in/cream. My girl had so much freaking hair!! Lol. Her texture did change up though… that is for sure. My son too – had so much hair on top and it would’ve been messy and dry if I didn’t. But I kept it very simple. Still do for him. 😊

      • heather

        My 2 year old biracial girl has complete white girl hair. No curl or kink at all. If I don’t use a little something it gets dry looking, but most of what I have bought is too heavy and leaves her hair looking like a dirty girl who never washes her hair. What should I use and how often?

        • Hi! A light leave-in would probably be best. My favorite one is not the cheapest but a little goes a long way – the Many Ethnicities Kids Leave-In. Also – maybe try shampooing only once or twice a week and if it gets dirty in between just co-wash (scrubbing w conditioner only) between shampoos. Hope that helps!

      • Brittanie

        What type of curl activator and leave in do you use?

        • Hi! We use cantu curling cream as a leave in and for activator I have been using the bonsai kids one (I think its been on hold though for production) and recently I’ve beem trying out a new one that is coming out soon! 😉

      • Cheyenne

        As this will be my first mixed baby I’m unsure of what to use & what not to use especially considering I don’t know what her hair will even be like yet. But, to prepare me, is there any specific products or websites that I can purchase items from that you suggest? I want to use the best product when it is time.

        • Hi Cheyenne! At first you can just use simple baby shampoo. Keep it simple when newborn. As for other products I have linked ones I recommend right on my posts. So if you see me recommend something, try clicking on its name when I first mention it. 🙂 Hope that helps!!

  2. Thanks for all of these reassuring tips.
    I’m the father of 3 mixed children and I often felt like I wasn’t doing some of this stuff correctly.
    Especially for my daughter.

    This morning my mother-in-law told me to tie her hair up in a ponytail and I was like ‘why’?
    Her hair is in a ponytail more than 4 times a week and at night. I tried to explain that it should breath once in a while. Why have these lovely locks and keep them trapped. Plus, she tends to get more knots / kinks when it’s not combed out every other day.

    Hope I’m making the right choices. I love her big, curly, flowing hair.
    So does my daughter.

    • Yes! Protective styles are important but letting the hair be free and having your daughter love and accept her curls is so important as well. ♡ Great job dad! 🙂

  3. Hi! Thank you for the info from the post. My daughter is a year old and her hair is about 2.5 inches long and curly. I wash it once a week with a gentle shampoo, but I wet it in the bath every night and put a hair milk from the grocery store in it. Her hair still dries out by mid- to end of the day. Would you recommend still following the about advice for a one year old?
    Thank you,
    JoJo

    • Hi!! I would recommend but just use products geared towards kids. Many Ethnicitied has a kids line designed specifically for multiracial kids. I have an article about them if you type “Many Ethnicities” into the search on my site. It is more expensive, so if you were to buy one thing I would recommend the leave in conditioner for kids. And then find a light hair oil to seal the moisture in. We personally use Righteous roots hair oil but you might have to try a few options until you find out what works with her hair. Some work better for other people that others. Almond oil, or macadamia, etc are lighter ones. I also have an article where I share the Top 10 Hair Oils on Amazon (great if you have prime!). You can check that out too ♡

      Hope that helps 🙂

  4. Also, the product I use now is very perfume-y and I don’t love that. Are the products you use heavily scented?
    Thanks again!

    • The ones I use are either that “clean” smell or vanilla-y or cupcake-y because my daughter and I just love those smells! Lol. I hate that perfume-y smell! The Righteous Roots Oil mentioned in the previous comment smells like cupcakes and my daughter loves it! ♡

  5. Amy

    First, I love your blog….it is so helpful. My daughter is 3, with hair a lot like your own daughter. How do you keep her hair from getting fuzzy after you braid it? As soon as I braid her she has baby fuzz everywhere.

    • Hi Amy! Thank you for your kind words. What I would recommend is incorporating some sort of edge control into the hair as you are braiding. Plus the smaller the braids the less chance of them getting fuzzy. Another option, that I personally haven’t done, is to use fake hair in the braids. It helps protect the hair underneath and also prevent the fuzz! Lol. But with multiracial kids, I’ve learned, that their hair just won’t stay as long as a fully AA kids hair. So the edge control will probably help you get some more time but not as long as we wish! 😉 Good luck!

      • Amy

        Thanks so much for all your help. I ran out and got the kinds cantu line and some of the shea moisture kids line. I am going to try it out tommorow.

        • I love their curling activator. They have a kids version and a similar adult one. LOVE it. Hope it works out for you. I’ve used a few of their products. I have recently been trying out one of shea moisture conditioners too. Not 100% sure yet how I feel as I haven’t used it that much but so far so good! ♡

  6. Katie Bathersfield

    Hi! Thank you so much for this amazing article! Just had a question. If I were to follow LOC or LCO, how would that look? I’m a little confused on where the oil fits in. We’re currently co-washing once a week, and using leave in conditioner. Also, when you style it, how do you not use a detangling brush to gather the hair for a ponytail or buns? My daughters are 20 months and 10 weeks old. Still a newbie, but trying to learn 🙂

    • Hi! Welcome! So for the LCO/LOC method you would add the oil after the leave in (at least thats the order I’ve found works best). So after you co-wash, comb the leave in through, and then put the oil on (starting on ends and work up) and comb through.

      As the gathering the hair, I gather it up best I can with my hands and then I smooth it down w a boar bristle brush. Personally I use one the white people usually use as a teaser because it’s surface area is smaller and easier to do small spaces on the head (i.e. if I do different sections for a protective style).

      Hope that helped! Let me know if you have any other questions? It’s never too early to learn! ♡

      • Katie

        Great to know- thank you! I’m thinking since it takes so long for her hair to dry, that we’ll have to do this process in the morning, instead of at night (which is fine). I need to watch your tutorial on simple protective hair styles. Currently, she just goes to bed natural. In an above comment, you mentioned “edge control” for preventing fuzz with braids. What exactly does that mean?

        Also, I’m not exactly sure what kind of brush you’re referring to. Something like this?
        https://www.amazon.com/Sarahs-Natural-Bristle-Teasing-Adults/dp/B075PZCTM3/ref=sr_1_3_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1516765593&sr=8-3&keywords=teaser+boar+bristle+brush

        • Yes that is exactly the kind of brush I meant. For edge control its a product. If you type it into amazon a bunch of products should pop up. Its like a thick gel like texture and holds the frizz and hair down. 🙂

          • Katie

            Perfect!!! Ok, just one more question lol. I was looking at the tutorial for Buns and Braids, and I think my toddler’s hair is too short for me to braid, especially since I’m a novice at braiding. Plus, I don’t think she’d sit still long enough for me to do a dutch braid at her current age. Any advice on what to do in that situation, as I do still want to protect her hair?

          • At her age and since her hair is shorter… I would just put it into a few braids at night for bed (don’t have to be to the head) and then refresh her hair and leave it free during the day. Headbands were my favorite thing when my daughter was younger. I have a youtube video on how we refresh curls. 🙂

          • Katie

            Apparently, I have an endless amount of questions!! Lol! Hope it’s OK! I’m already learning so much 🙂 Firstly, THANK YOU, that makes total sense! Should I try to get her to wear a satin bonnet? I’m pretty sure she’d take it off… Secondly, any specific headbands that you recommend? We’ve been using a barrette to hold the hair back at the very front/top. Thirdly, do you use the plopping/scrunching CG method to help the hair dry? Or, is it best just to let it dry naturally? I’m a SAHM, so we have the time to have it dry naturally, just not sure if I should scrunch it a *little* with an old tshirt/muslin since it’s really wet otherwise.
            You’re like my multiracial hair care guardian angel right now!!! 😉

          • Haha. I got my daughter used to wearing a satin bonnet around age 2. If she won’t keep it on (and/or in addition to) you can get a satin pillowcase. Keep putting the bonnet on at night until she gets used to it, but she may be still to young for a regular sized one you’d get at a store. If you can afford it there are a few companies that make kid sized ones (I’d have to look that up on my laptop tomorrow).

            As for headbands we just had fun with them. Cute clips were also a staple as well. You can have fun with them… nothing too specific.

            We do sorta of do the plopping/scrunching of the CG method when she is wearing her hair down for something special. Using a tshirt to help it dry is absolutely a great thing vs using a towel on their hair to help it along with drying so it isn’t dripping wet on them.

            Also… you are the sweetest. Never been called a multiracial hair care guardian angel before. Might have to be my new slogan! Lmao 😉

          • Katie

            I meant every word!!! I can’t even begin to tell you how excited I am. I’ve never gotten clear answers before on what to do, in like step by step instructions! It feels life-changing (in the realm of hair care at least lol!) I don’t do nearly anything to my hair, so this is all so different for me. If you could let me know about kid sized bonnets, I’d really appreciate it- but no rush!! (Though she does have a pretty large head, so maybe the regular ones won’t be too too large…)

            And I just watched your awesome video on refreshing curls, thank you for sharing the link! What you sprayed first was just water, right? Just curious, what does the water do to help before spraying the curl revival spray?

            Also, what kind of comb did you use at the end? Is it fine to just use the same shower comb that we use when co-washing, etc once a week, or is the one you used different? I hope these aren’t stupid questions, I just seriously have very little clue what I’m doing here, and am tired of being judged on social media by my husband’s family (whole other topic there…)

          • Hi! Sorry for the delay! Fell asleep and had a busy day. So naturalhairshop.com is a cute option!!

            In the refresh video I do spray water. It adds just some extra moisture before. Otherwise I’d go through 1 bottle of the revival spray everytime I did my daughters hair. Lol.

            And any wide tooth comb works! I just have 2 because I keep one with a handle in the shower and another with my “go-to” hair refresh products.
            No stupid questions! ♡ Any help I can provide so you can be confident and silence the judgers… then I am glad to help!

          • Katie

            Thank you so, so much! Early next week, I’m going to go through the whole routine with her, and I’m sure I’ll have a bunch more questions for you lol. Is it easiest for you to post them here, or should I PM you, or post to the FB group? I may take pictures to share with you as well, if that’s ok.

          • You’re welcome! Good luck and let me know. Pictures would be great for the group. Plus if others have the same questions they could see too! 🙂

          • Katie

            Perfect! I’ll post my experience and before/after photos to the group. I’m partly excited, partly terrified 😉

          • Hahaha. Don’t be terrified! I’m proud of you for even just trying to learn. You are taking a step a lot of people are afraid of doing… asking questions and trying! You got this. ♡

          • Katie

            Couldn’t have done it without your guidance, Nicholette!! <3 <3 <3 <3

  7. Tonya D.

    Nicholette, I’m Tonya and I’m also a “mixed mom”. I just want to say that you’re doing a fantastic job. My daughter, Piper is nearly 2 and I’m slowly learning my way as well. Thanks for creating this blog as it is very inspiring to many. Peace…

  8. Linda Chestnut

    How often can there hair be conditioned in the shower not washed but Conditioned in a weeks time

  9. Linda Chestnut

    How many times can you conditioned hair in a weeks time while in the shower

  10. Kristi Kent

    Hi there! I’m sooo happy I found your blog!!! I’ve been trying to learn more about styling my daughter’s hair forever!! She’s adopted and I’m clueless as to what to do! She’s almost two, so her hair (when dry) is still fairly short. I love to leave it naturally curly or just put a top pony tail in since she’s not quite long enough for a full pony. But we’re only washing her hair once per week. Now I’ve learned we need to try co washing and also a leave in conditioner with oil – thanks to you!! BUT, will this help when she wakes up in the morning? Her hair is in serious disarray when she gets up. So we use a detangler and comb through with a little oil. I know NOW that’s probably why it still looks unkempt. So what would you recommend for DAILY routine? Would a cap at night help? THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for being so generous with your advice and tips!!! Ps- your son is beautiful!!

    • Hi!! So glad you were able to find some helpful information! You are on the right path mama. I would recommend a sleep cap at night and/or a satin pillow case. For free curls during the day I would refresh (video of us doing it and what we use – https://youtu.be/JzVu2jSrww0 ) in the morning. A light spray, leave-in, and hair oil if needed. Wide tooth come to spread throughout and get any tangles out. I hope that helps! Do not hesitate to ask questions. You can find me easier on my FB group – https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheMixedMamaCommunity/ 🙂

      • Kristi

        You are a God send, thank you!! She’s not sleeping with a pillow yet and won’t keep a cap on, but maybe I’ll sneak it on after she’s asleep. Her hair was amazing yesterday – I used a detangler with conditioner and oil, and then added some oil, but got a little dry on the ends. Today I used the leave in cream with oil, so we’ll see. I also go the curly kids, curl creme. Do you use that ever? Would I just add that after oil? Thank you SOO MUCH for your help! When I get the right formula I’ll share a pic!

        • I used to sneak the sleep bonnet on after my daughter fell asleep too when she didn’t want to keep it on. Lol. Whatever you gotta do to protect the curls! We do use the curly kids curl crème too. I would put it on before the oil though. I’m glad the info is helping. <3 🙂

  11. Kristi

    So I did the water, detangler (with conditioner and oil) and added oil today as I did the other day and it didn’t work the same. Should I not be wetting, moisturizing, oiling, etc every day? Her hair is just such a tangled mess every morning this hasn’t been much of an option. Sorry for all of the questions!

  12. Rissa

    Hello! I have a 4 month old daughter and her hair is very curly when wet then it has scattered curls and waves when dry but by day 5-6 of no washing, her hair flattens out and is pretty messy (straight and wavy). Is this just a process or am I doing something wrong? What age did your daughter’s hair start to really curl and stay curly? Also, what age did you start using oils in her hair? I have Jamaican castor oil at home but I find it is so thick… wouldn’t that cause problems for her natural oil ducts?
    Please help!

    • Hi you may need to just start washing around every 4 days or so. Or co wash every couple of says. As for the oil the castor oil may be too thick for her. They have lighter oils… maybe an almond oil may work better? 🙂 Sometimes its trial and error to see what works. ♡

  13. Christine

    Hi all, I have been using Curly Kids Curly Creme Leave In Conditioner with my daughter’s mixed hair for a while now and love it. I use hair ties to band her hair overnight after we wash it and it holds the moisture in and it looks great in the morning. The Curly Creme container I bought always had a clear lid like the one in your pic. However, I recently haven’t been able to find that one. I can find a Curly Creme conditioner that has a yellow lid. I thought that they had just changed the look of the product so I bought it. Unfortunately, it does not work the same way. It’s not as thick and just doesn’t work the magic the same way. Has anyone else run into this problem. I tried to order some on Amazon, making sure I ordered the one that had a clear lid. Unfortunately, I got a package full of the kind with the yellow lid. The seller said that is the one manufactured by Curly Kids now, so I’m scared they just don’t make it like they used to. I have emailed Curly Kids to ask but haven’t gotten a reply yet. Just thought I would put it out there to see if anyone else has noticed this change.

    • Hi!! I have noticed it too! Would love to know what Curly Kids says… would you mind updating me if/when they answer you? ♡ -Nicholette

  14. Embarrassingly behind

    I have a 9 year old biracial boy and up to this point I haven’t done anything special for his hair or scalp :-/. I only use (don’t worry I’ll stop lol) the gimmicky kids shampoos or 3 in 1’s you find at Walmart or other retail stores. His hair is very coarse and I keep it buzzed off mostly (1/4 inch) though i don’t stay on top of the buzz cuts so in between it can get fairly long and as you can imagine other than when it’s wet from his shower the cute wet curls turn into a giant mass of dry clumpy nothingness that begs to be cut.

    The reason I’m now doing research is because his scalp is really dry and flaky and it’s very noticeable 🙁. So I figured I probably should be using product for AA’s not realizing just how much attention even a biracial boy needs (his father has never been in the picture). I guess I figured with me keep his hair short then I didn’t have to worry about all this stuff.

    So It seems most of everyone commenting as well as yourself has girls. Does all this still apply for boys (I know that sounds stupid but I’m totally lost at what to do)?

    • Hi! It does apply to boys as well. I have a little boy too. He’s 3.5 and won’t sit still for pics so thats why I usually talk about my daughter. Lol. For his scalp being dry I would recommend doing some scalp massages. I refer to Righteous Roots Oil in a lot of my posts because thats what we use and love (and it smells amazing) but you can try others. A lot of people use coconut oil but it dries a lot of peoples hair out for some reason. I would recommend only shampooing once a week since his scalp is so dry and just co-washing (conditioner only and scrubbing well) in between. Use a good leave in and then use hair oil to seal in the moisture. This process can be done even if his hair is kept short to keep his scalp moisturized. My husband has his head shaved and he applies a hair oil every day otherwise his scalp gets dry and flaky as well. Hope this helps! Don’t be afraid to ask questions ♡ -Nicholette

      • Embarrassingly behind

        On a different website they mention Emu and Jojoba oil, are good options to help keep the scalp moisturized; are those oils ok for kids as well?

        I’ll be going out to buy the curlykids curly Creme conditioner today. I normally would buy online but I don’t want to wait another day to finally starting treating my sons hair properly lol. Do you think it would be ok to avoid the shampooing until I get his scalp under control or am I going to see results from the oils and conditioning pretty quickly?

        And as far as the combing goes, with it short are wide tooth combs going to be as effective? Or with the scalp massaging will that be enough? I have been using the fine tooth comb that came with the buzz cutter to rake out flake-age. Ugggghhhhh soooo many questions 😝.

        • I’ve heard great things about Jojoba Oil so that one I would recommend trying. I haven’t heard much about Emu oil so I can’t speak on that. If your son was a baby I would say be careful with different products, but since he’s older there shouldn’t be any issues.
          As for the shampooing, there are a lot of people that don’t use shampoo, but they also avoid things like silicones and sulfates. I would play it by ear. For example, for my daughter we shampoo her roots only usually, but sometimes when she’s been extra messy (or swimming) we shampoo all her hair. You can probably go some time without shampooing since his hair/head is dry but my daughter and I both have oily scalps and she really shouldn’t go too much longer than a week before her scalp starts to smell.
          For combing, I wouldn’t mess with the flakes on his head too much. Too much manipulation (with a fine tooth comb) could potentially cause more issues. You could always use the fine tooth on his hair, avoiding his skin/scalp though to get the flakes out of the hair (that might be what you are refering to anyways… lol) Other than that you can just massage his scalp and finger detangle if there are no flakes. <3 Again... don't be afraid to ask questions. I love to help.
          -Nicholette

        • This oil, also by Righteous Roots, might be good for him as it is sort of a hair medicine (i.e. its name – Hair Rx). It has a mix of essential oils that each have different purposes to help the hair and scalp — https://righteousroots.net/pages/hair-rx

  15. nikki modl

    good afternoon, your do’s and dont have truly helped me. I was wondering what types of hair ties are best for extremely tight curly hair? i have tried a few only to be cutting them off with scissors. Please help

    • Hi! Glad they were helpful Nikki. For small braids we use black rubber bands at the ends and then cut them off ourselves as well. They are luckily cheap so it is ok. For more long term use we use Goody Ouchless hair ties (https://amzn.to/2Ml1PUF – affiliate link). These work great for us and don’t snag up in my daughters hair. Let me know if these work out for you?
      -Nicholette

  16. Renee

    Good morning,
    I have a 6 month old daughter that is biracial. I have researched and have been told so many different things. For shampoo i use shea moisture Argan oil baby shampoo and was using Hawaiian silk 14 and 1 moisturizer as a leave in. I was washing her hair when she was a new born over 3 days and then to every other day when her texture of her hair was changing. Her hair seem to feel a little dry so then I moved to every other bath to only 1 time a week then she got cradle cap. I’m getting mixed information on only wash 1 time a week to every bath to prevent cradle cap. I need help…. thank you in advance

    • Hi Renee,
      I (personally) think cradle cap is something that either will happen or won’t. What I did personally was take one of those soft baby brushes and put some oil on her head and massage it with that brush to help break up some of the dry skin. My daughter got it and this helped it go away. My son on the other hand never did. It really just is luck of the draw (again in my opinion – I’m not a pediatrician). But if her hair is dry then washing it too much will just dry it out more. Don’t wash with shampoo too often (once per week is usually a good place to start), you can co-wash daily, and keep her hair/scalp moisturized (but not too heavy of a conditioner – you want it to breath). When my daughter was that young I didn’t keep oil on her hair because she had thin/light hair. So I would do the oil massage before I washed for the week.

      Hope that helps!
      -Nicholette

  17. S. Raphael

    Hi Mixed Mama! I am the Proud Black Dad of a trio of girls whose Mum is White, English and CLUELESS as to the proper care of their hair. So it is down to me! And I sometimes feel drowned out by the vast array of product out there.

    My girls are 13 and 10 year old twins and their hair is ALL DIFFERENT! Help! I am about to try the (so expensive!) Mixed Chicks range on ’em – Shampoo, Conditioner, Leave-In Conditioner and Tangle-Tamer for the first time. Am I on loser here?

    It is prohibitively expensive (having to buy for THREE every time) and my question is: Can you suggest ANY kind of mixing oil (eg Olive Oil) which I can add to this stuff to make it go further, without ruining the efficacy of the Mixed Chicks product?

    Two of my girls have very thick, frizzy hair which dries out and knots up pretty quickly after their weekly shampoo and condition and just bushes out into an unmanageable quasi-Afro- type halo. How can I achieve the same delightful small-curl locks as your own little one’s?

    My third girl – one of the twins – has much thinner, shorter hair with all the above problems but in addition it just WON’T GROW beyond the 8 or 9 inches it has reached in 10 years. She is very self-concious about this and wants something to help her grow her hair. What is the best way for this?

    Your blog has set me on a really good path in all of this and you now have a dedicated follower here! You are my guru!

    MIXED DADDY

    • Hi Mixed Daddy!
      I will try to answer all your questions. If I miss any do not hesitate to ask them again. Lol. But for the Mixed Chicks / more expensive brands — keep in mind more expensive is not always better. I personally haven’t used the Mixed Chicks range so I can’t speak on that line to be honest. But I can tell you that what I do to help some of my more pricey items go farther is I save my splurges on the leave-in conditioners. In my opinion that is where the money is worth it. Shampoo rinses out. For detangling in the tub I use inexpensive Suave to COAT the hair. Since I put so much in I don’t want to spend a lot on it. So I get the $1-3 bottles and it helps my budget. I coat in that and detangle. Then rinse that out and THEN I add the good stuff for a leave in. We personally use Many Ethnicities (https://mixedfamilylife.com/2017/08/06/many-ethnicities-review), Cantu (affordable), and have tried Shea Moisture as well as some others. I comb through again with the wide tooth comb. We also then add a hair oil. This will be different for each kid since they have different curls (hair oils) You can also add a hair gel while hair is wet to seal in the moisture. Let it dry. If it is crunchy after then you (or your girls) can put some more hair oil on their hands and “scrunch out the crunch” so then the curls will be soft and moisturized.

      If none of this works, since you have so many different curl needs I would actually recommend looking into the Curly Girl Method (go on FB and type that into the search bar for an AMAZING group).

      As for the curl size – that can’t be changed. Curls are different shapes and sizes and that was designed by our dna. (Curl Patterns)

      To help with knots, frizz, and drying out — put hair into twists or braids at night time and have your girls sleep in a satin bonnet or buff (affiliate link). This will protect their curls while they sleep. Also look into a satin or silk pillowcase.

      For hair growth – the only thing you can really do to help hair grow is to keep it healthy and moisturized. So what was mentioned above, protective styles, sleep protection. Trims to get rid of split ends, and basic hair upkeep. Also — try to, in a non-obvious way, to show and praise pictures of beautiful women with shorter curly hair. Get her books with characters with different hair types showing her that all hair is beautiful. She is perfect as she is! <3

      I hope this helps. Good luck!!
      -Nicholette

  18. Asha

    Hello mixed mama, i have 3 year old twin girls. One has thick hair and strong. The other very thin. They keep comparing each others and end up in fights. I have done reaserch how to thicken the others hair but no luck. Please help as this is the song un my house every day. How can i make her hair thick? Thanks

    • Hi Asha,
      This is tough because personally I would recommend focusing on teaching them both to love their hair. Point out how beautiful they each are even though they are different. Teach them that difference make us special. Buy books that have a myriad of representation of them both. Instead of trying to change one’s hair type (its darn near impossible to change what we are born with) switch focus to teaching them to embrace their hair and their differences. <3

      Don't know if that helps at all but good luck!! <3
      -Nicholette

  19. THANK YOU! I printed everything and ordered products based on your recommendations. I have two beautiful girls (5 and 8) and I suck at doing hair :-(. Olive oil does magic with their hair but the smell…(all of our pillows smell like olive oil). My biggest challenge is to style it but I am hoping your suggestions will make it easier. Wish me luck 🙂

    • GOOD LUCK!! <3 Hope it works out. Remember -- practice and trying are what are key. Not being perfect. If you keep trying and can't figure it out, there are usually (depending on where you are) hair salons around that can do styles.

  20. Iryna Barentt

    Hello Nicholette. I’m so excited I found your site. My baby is 8 months old and has a head full of hair!!! I was wondering if all these products you talk about are safe for babies or are they more for older kids?

    • Hi Iryna! The Many Ethnicities, Righteous Roots, (they are mostly natural ingredients) and the Gentle Cantu Kids shampoo should all be safe for babies . Just be careful of their eyes in the tub. The Gentle Kids shampoo is designed to be gentle on kids eyes though. <3

  21. Marquis

    what are some signs that show you that a certain type of moisturizer or shampoo/conditioner is not right for you. im white/black male with what i feel like is the normal kind of hair you see on every mixed guy. i workout a lot so i sweat and get dirty daily. what’s your recommendation on how often i should cowash and how often i should shampoo. thank you for your time.

    • Hi Marquis,
      If you hair is still dry even after adding tons of moisture to it, then the products may not be right for you. Since you workout a lot you may need to shampoo more than what I usually recommend. Is your hair long(ish)? Can you shampoo just the roots? That is what I do on my daughter’s hair if she had an active day between regular washes. You can also use a more gentle shampoo designed for kids to help clean but not dry out too much (something like the kids cantu shampoo). You can cowash everyday though. To help hold moisture in, you can try the basic routine of shampoo (or not), co-wash, leave-in and then add a hair gel. Something simple like LA Looks blue gel works great. Let your hair dry completely. This will help seal the moisture in while it dries. If it gets too crunchy — once it is all dry you can take some hair oil on your hands and “scrunch out the crunch” and hopefully that will help your curls/hair out in the moisture department.

      Hope this helps!
      -Nicholette

  22. Jennifer Rose Holder

    This actually helped me with my hair! I didn’t know I was mixed until I was an adult and talked to my parents about it. Using hair techniques for mixed kids totally changed my life. I thought my hair was stuck at permanent semi-fro for life (unless I straitened the sh*t out of it) but conditioner, oil, and only washing once a week fixed it!

  23. Elizabeth Zurita

    Hi, i would like to know how soon should i start…my daughter is 6 months she is a mixed of african and mexican hair i dont wash it everday but would like to start a hair routine

    • Hi. Is her hair dry and/or curly? If so I would maybe start adding a lightweight leave-in conditioner. If its not too long I wouldn’t stress too much about it. Babies are babies (imo). At that age we just used a lot of headbands to keep her hair out her face and look cute. Lol. I do wish I would’ve learned about leave-in at that age but… we live and learn! Lol.

      • Elizabeth Zurita

        Hello thanks so much for taking the time to reply… her hair is definitely soft and curly now it was straight at the beginning but now her curls are more tight…also her hair is not dry i am just not sure what product to start her on

        • Then I would just find a lightweight leave in. We like Many Ethnicities Kids Leave In. A bit more pricey than store prices but so good. Curling Cream by Cantu Kids is also a more affordable option available at stores

  24. chris

    This is alot to digest because we brush my daughter’s hair everyday and do a ponytail. My wife doesn’t have a clue because she’s Ukrainian and it’s all she knows and apparently I didn’t pay attention to how my mom did my sister’s hair so we are struggling with how to manage her curls. Reading this post makes me feel like I’ve overwhelmingly done something wrong with my 3 year old.

    • I would say to just switch to a wide tooth comb and keep it moving! 🙂 No need to feel like you did something wrong. And if her hair feels dry get some moisturizing leave-in conditioner to add to the routine. ♡

  25. Adia Snyder

    The only thing I disagree with is the brush. Brush their hair wet. We use a Denman brush in the shower only. Other than that, great tips!

    • We could never get a brush through my daughters hair. I have done research on “the curly girl method” and even if a brush can be used, its recommended not to be used for curly hair. I forget all the specifics but basically brushes aren’t the best for curly hair. If it works for you that is good, and definitely only while wet/conditioned! 🙂 Thanks for the compliment!

  26. Paige

    Hello,

    I’m so glad I found your post! My 5mo. Old son is biracial and his hair is growing out more now. He has curls but they some times get frizzy. I have used coconut oil but I think it does dry his hair out. Considering how he’s only 5 mo. Old does any of your advice change?

    • Hi! Coconut oil doesn’t work for some people for some reason and does dry their hair out. I would switch to another natural hair oil – like almond or argan. The main difference I would change for a kid that young, is that I would use tear free shampoo (cantu has one), a light leave-in, and just a bit of the hair oil depending on the length. Start with less and see how that works. The basics stay the same <3 Hope that helps!!

  27. Rinni (A nickname)

    My grandpa is always trying to get me to, like, comb out my hair… Like, not in the shower? My hair is SUPER poofy and curly… Um… is that right? It’s just bothering me. I don’t think he understands this whole thing… If I were to show him THIS, he would get, like, ticked or something probably.

    • Hi! Without seeing your hair, its a little hard… but I would say comb your hair in the shower when it has conditioner on it. That is the only time I would comb it. Never when dry so it poofs out. After combing it out in shower you can add a leave-in conditioner and/or a curl cream to help with moisture. Lastly, seal that it with a hair oil or gel (that you can crunch out once dry). Wear a satin cap and/or scarf to bed to help protect the curls. A satin pillow case is also great. Let me know if you have any questions? ♡

  28. Stevi Slater

    my granddaughter is bi-racial and at the root is more like Caucasian but as you go out towards the middle to end its very curly, almost like a spiral perm. What do you recommend for her hair?

  29. Jen

    I truly appreciate your info. I am mother of 2 mixed children as well. I struggle with their curls wrapping around their curls and knotting up. I have used coconut oil, As I Am, mixed chicks, cantu, Carols Daughter(the products names🤔) and I always end up with a stiff feeling curl. What is your favorite oil to use?

    • Hi! I love the Righteous Roots Hair oil. You can get it directly from her site (google and it should come up – I’m on my phone otherwise I would link it) or amazon.
      They may need a lighter leave-in/curl cream. We have been using the cantu curling cream along with the righteous roots and their curls are usually soft! For my son I also add some tea tree hair oil because its supposed to help prevent lice and what not. He goes to prek and I don’t want to deal with that! Lol.

      • Jen

        I just wanted to say thank you. This is something I have struggled with for the last five years. I made my own concoction in a spray bottle as you suggested. I tried an oil that works for their hair(just a small amount) and my comb literally glides through their hair. Thank you so very much. I think your site is great and I love what your doing.

  30. Brittany Snell

    Hi!

    My son is 15 months old and his hair when wet is SUPER curly, and I use Cantu for kids curling cream to style it- but after he has his winter hat on or is just rolling around- it becomes SO frizzy. The back of his head (hair) is so dry all the time. He has a head full of hair, but only like 5 inches long?

    I feel terrible because (I’m white) my son is biracial and I feel like I’ve done everything so wrong when it comes to his hair. We used so many products, then started to really love Baby Shea Mositure shampoo and body wash and would only use that. But his eczema got bad (mainly bc of winter) so then I had to switch to Eucerin body/shampoo wash. And I’m ashamed to say I’ve used that as his shampoo too.

    I’ve been so stressed over his hair and how dry and frizzy it is because I don’t want to come off to others like I don’t care about my sons hair. I’ve read your post and it’s been the most helpful thing I’ve ever read when it comes to my sons hair care. So many things I didn’t know I needed to be doing, that I will be doing now. -my sons father now has locs but grew up with either an Afro or always had a fade, so he wasn’t used to this either.

    I’ve ordered all the products and will begin this new routine once it delivers on Saturday.

    The questions I have is-
    1. On the 1 shampoo wash day, do I also do the conditioning wash routine (conditioner-comb-rinse, leave in conditioner-comb-no rinse) as well after shampoo? Or only shampoo that day?
    – If only shampoo, then what should I do after the shampoo to ensure his hair has moisture.

    2. Co-washing- you said you get your daughters hair wet, lather with conditioner, comb through, rinse. Then add leave in conditioner, comb through and don’t rinse. Do you also add oil in the hair after combing? If not, when do you add the oil?

    Thank you SO much!
    Brittany

    • Hi Brittany! Don’t be ashamed. You are seeking out information and learning. Big hugs and kudos to you!! ❤
      For the hat – there are satin lined hats you can get. Or if you are skilled in sewing you can do yourself. For my daughter she wears a satin sleep cap underneath or you can wrap with a satin scarf as well.
      For shampoo day we do the rest of the steps as well. (Conditioner ans leave in, and oil)
      For co-washing days – we add oil at the very end. But I go lighter those days because I didn’t use shampoo (which strips some of the moisture away) and depending on how dry the hair seemed.

      Hope that helps!!! Hugs! 🤗

    • Mixed26

      Also you might like these for your son! Or other satin line caps. https://www.graceeleyae.com/collections/kid-all/products/light-gray-baby-slap

  31. Mixed26

    This is a really great page to see. As a mixed (black/white) 20-something woman, I am just figuring out how to wear my natural curls now – my mom (white) didn’t help me at all when I was a kid. Parents, keep trying! It’s important. Mixed Chicks products are great and have a kids line! And satin pillowcases are easier than bonnets and feel fancy for girls :).

  32. Brittany Hernandez

    My 16 month old son has course curls towards his crown but the more softer fluffy thinner curls towards the outside. My issue is when he lays down to sleep or wears a hat for the winter his curls end up frizzing out and looks like a big fluff ball lol What can I do to help with this or am I just stuck with dealing with it through the winter and as his hair grows?

  33. carolyn

    I have a 6 year old grand daughter whos hair is mixed multiple ways lol. She has very kinky tangly hair on the very bottom layer then curlier hair for the next layer then a more fine wavy hair on top. I litterally have to comb her hair enough while its wet to be able to get to the bottom layer to thoughorly comb thru all of her hair. I use fructois hair cream and hawaiin silky w/ warm water to comb thru her hair. I usually put her hair in a brad to sleep in at night because it will be all tangled up by morning. She usually prefers to wear it up because her hair gets poofy as it dries. For easter we styled it with it down and curly and so pretty and in a few hours the center of the back had already started shrinking as you could see the difference in the length. we wash maybe once a week but style with the conditioners daily most of the time because she has started taking the braid out and leaves it in a pony tale. I would love some type of hair product that would keep the bottom layer from shrinking and keep her clothes from being wet from wetting her hair to keep the curls….

    • Hi! Unfortunately that all seems normal! Shrinkage w curls happens as it dries. Braids at night is good! As for wetting – we usually do protective styles for the whole week between washes when its cold weather. Then when it is nice outside we can wet it and have it curly and free more. The key to try to avoid dry/frizz is to make sure its moisturized and its sealed. So we use a leave in in the shower at the end, a nice thick cream, and an oil at the end to seal it all in. We only comb hair when it is soaked in the tub and covered w conditioner. No combing/brushing while wet! Lol.

      I think I responded to all the questions – if I forgot anything please ask again? 🙂 Hope that helps!

  34. Carolyn

    Thanks for your response
    As for protective styles the most I can do is a big pony tail braid
    Her hair tangles as it dries at least on the bottom layer
    I have to comb it with a wide tooth comb after getting out of the shower -because the bottom layer dries out so dang quick- it takes me 40 minutes and if I deep condition it only about 20 lol.

    • You can divide the hair into sections and then braid to switch up the protective style. Add fun colored ponies and bows and make it fun! I have some examples on the site if you search “protective styles” to give you some ideas. And then if you keep her hair in those it will be easier to de-tangle on wash day! We actually come right in the bath while hair is soaked and it makes it easier. 🙂

  35. Amanda Gilbert

    Hello!
    I have a 4 year old mixed race boy – whos hair is super curly like his fathers, but nice and soft like mine! A lot of the hair care I’ve been seeing is for people whos hair is more coarse? I am at a total loss on how to take care of this curly boy!

    • Hi! You want to find a lighter leave in for him then probably. I really like Many Ethnicities Leave In for Kids. Its more expensive but less goes a long way. So you could refresh each day with some water and then a little leave in. Finger or wide tooth comb it through. Should be enough. 🙂 Hope that helps! ♡

  36. Ria Cousineau

    What i would have done to have a resource like this 25 years ago!!! My children are now 24 and 28. I didn’t know I was damaging my daughter’s hair by washing everyday until it was too late. Finally, a kind and thoughtful woman came up to me in the soccer field and said “can i give you some advice?” The best 6 words anyone could have uttered to me then.
    I will add that my daughter’s hair became an even more intense struggle because she was an elite athlete. Braids were our salvation.
    So thank you. Even though I no longer need this as they are both caring for their own now, I know how important it would have been for me and therefore how beneficial it will be for others.

    • Awww thank you!! That is my hope – to save some other moms, and kids, years of damage un-beknownst to them. Hoping to develop better relationships and outcomes between multiracial kids and their parents without hair resentment (on either end). Thank you for your kind words! I really appreciate them. 🥰

  37. CheckBeck

    Hi there! Expecting my first (biracial) child and stumbled upon your site. I LOVE that your main message is always about encouraging biracial children to love and embrace their hair! Your daughter is lucky to have you. Thanks for the awesome tips!

  38. My Mom washed my hair (upside down) in the kitchen sink.

  39. Hi! I just came across your site while looking for something for my 4 year old daughter’s hair, which I think may be similar to yours. I’m an AA dad, my Latin wife has curly/wavy hair, and our daughter seems to have a good blend of us, but definitely more curly. We tried Cantu in the past and more recently Shea Moisture, but reading some of your articles I’m wondering if we were doing everything wrong. Using Shea’s kids line we shampoo her hair, then condition it, rinse it out, dry it, then section it out and use detangler spray and comb thru it with a wide comb, and put Shea Moisture curling butter cream as we’re combing it out and on a daily basis in the mornings. Her hair would look great the first couple days, then slowly not so much.

    Reading thru the posts here I’m thinking we should comb thru it while it’s wet, not rinse out the conditioner completely, have her sleep in a satin cap, and use leave in conditioner on a daily basis. Also since our method was wrong I’m thinking of trying Cantu again since there’s a price advantage there… lol.

    If you’ve made it this far you’re a rockstar. Thanks for reading and sorry about the long post… been a little frustrated doing all this research. I’m trying to get a handle on things since we’re expecting another girl! We both definitely need to know more about this stuff.

    • Sorry for the delayed response! Just saw this for some reason. I wouldn’t dry it between conditioner and a curling/leave in cream. Add that and then let it air dry (or diffuse if morning time in winter). Other than that, if the products work… keep on! Cantu is a lot more affordable though. 😆

  40. you are sharing the best hair care blog, thanks for sharing. follow meddco for the best healthcare treatments

  41. stacynp26@gmail.com

    My 3 year old bi-racial daughter has beautiful spiral curls that I would like to keep that way, so I am looking for some advice. I have been doing research for the past year and half (she didn’t have much hair before then) and have tried multiple products in her hair. I am currently using curly girl approved shampoo, conditioner, and products in her hair. I have tried using leave in conditioners only which caused her hair to become frizzy throughout the day. I have tried a mousse which seems to work the best and also gel. I thought I was doing a great job with her hair but when I took her to the salon, the stylist stated she thought I was doing too much to her hair and I should try using Pink oil moisturizer only. I have tried the moisturizer for the past couple of days and it looks great while wet, but as soon as it dries, the frizz comes back. Do you have any suggestions and when did you start using multiple products in your daughter’s hair?

    • Hi! I started using multiple products around age 2 or so? I would ask them WHY they think its too much? Is there build up? If so then you can always do a deep clean like once a month or so (like an acv rinse). I personally use a curling cream leave in and then seal the ends w a hair oil. You can also use gel instead of the oil. Once it dries, put oil on your hands and scrunch the curls to make soft. Hope that helps!

      • Stacynp

        She has never had issues with build up but I do clarify her hair once a month followed by a deep conditioner just in case. I am not sure she thought I was using too many products. I will try using oil once I add the gel. Thank you

  42. I have always had problems with my hair. Not even with managing it, just with understanding what it is and what it is for me. My white father and black mother did not help me understand or come to terms with any aspect of my dual heritage. I guess they didn’t see it, didn’t see it as something they needed to concern themselves with. It’s taken me decades to arrive at a position where I NEED to accept myself and love who I am. I’m glad you’re ahead of the curve with your daughter. Good on you

  43. Natalie

    Really well written and helpful, much appreciated

  44. Leslie Luck

    Thank you so much for this article. First let me start by saying your daughter is gorgeous! My 6 year old granddaughter has beautiful tight curls and I have read so many articles so I can properly care for her hair. The information you have provided has been by far the most helpful. I now have confidence to do it correctly. Thank you again.

  45. Azzard Gordon

    Hi Mixed Mama, please help! My white partner, she’s of the opinion that our newborn/6wks son’ hair DOESN’T need treating or moisturising or anything of the like till he’s at least 6 months old!!!… furthermore, she washes his hair every time she bathes him (as opposed to washing his hair once a week). As a black man her actions and beliefs re: our sons hair care goes against all I understand, my heritage and all I know to be true, and what with us cooped up a home during these COVID times, tensions are-a-rising – how do I convince her that treating our sons hair via a little oil on our fingertips after bathing is OK?

    • Hi! TBH You both could be right. A 6wk old is probably ok with nothing in it for now. You want to try to avoid too much build up on their little scalps… but they probably could also use it sooner than 6mos depending on your babies hair. A little oil is OK but no oil is also probably ok at his age.
      I will also add… moms of newborns are not to be messed with! Lol. But for real… as for tensions… new moms have a lot of hormones changing after having babies. I think its for like 3mos after or so. So I personally would recommend picking your battles for now. Especially with quarantine stress on top of it! If your sons hair is breaking/falling off and/or doesn’t seem healthy then maybe you can help with bathtime and add a little baby safe leave in or hair oil?
      BUT! Even with all that… if your heritage/culture specifically involves putting some oil in your newborns hair sooner than later… I can’t argue against that. But I would suggest figuring out a compromise with your momma/partner who is white. That’s part of our journeys being in interracial relationships. Its tough now, especially being cooped up. Yall will hopefully learn how to navigate raising a multiracial kid. Start with open communication and compassion and empathy for each other. 💗 (hope that helps?)

      • Leslie

        If I may insert my opinion, Mixed Mama I love your advise! Something I believe both sides need to realize is the beauty of mixed hair is it is different than each individual race and needs different care. Just because one or the other parent does things a certain way for their own hair care doesn’t mean it will work for their childs hair. Just my own little insite. Hope it helps.

      • Azzard Gordon

        Sorry the late reply Mixed Mama, but you know how it is – wake, feed, sleep, rinse, repeat (lol) – one day just blends into the next! Thanks for replying so promptly and thanks Leslie for your two cents worth.

        Prior to getting pregnant, the missus and I fantasised about how the babies hair wouldl turn out (if we we’re lucky enough to have a child). Will it be thick and wavy? Or short and curly? Who knows! Ha! Either way, we promised each other we’d bring all we knew (and researched) to the table regarding hair care – we made a promise to NOT abandoned their hair like some care-free parents we both knew – and I personally was excited to impart what I knew, like how my mother and I cared for my brothers and sisters hair when they were babies etc.

        A quick word on my partner’ and I background/heritage:

        ME:
        A proud son of a Jamaican father (who arrived on British soil aged 12yrs old) and a mother who’s half Welsh and half Nigerian – so my hair! Ha! Some parts curly, buzz, etc… I mostly keep it low and/or bald.

        MY PARTNER:
        A daughter of Russian/German/Irish and Asian (Chinese) heritage – wicked smart, maaaad intelligent, driven (lol, see ‘stubborn’), focused (heh heh, see ‘more stubborn’) and the love in her heart absolutely knows no bounds.

        We met each other late in life, but after years of trying and many tears and IVF sessions later we have a son – a beautiful baby boy, and you can see we’re both ridiculously eager to do the absolute very best for our child.

        We actually thought we were going to have a girl (we opted NOT to know the babies sex prior to birth, to give ourselves the last great true surprise in the delivery room). We had all these ideas as to how to treat our potential daughters hair when she was born, but lo and behold, it turned out to be a boy!… with a head of full FULL dark luxrious straight locks that curl up when wet…

        … but hair care, what we had planned… same rules still apply no? We sill have to care for the hair!

        well, no… as it turns out.

        As per my previous post, after bathing our son I would like to apply just a titch of say almond or coconut or even olive oil to our fingertips and gently massage our sons hair, to counter any moisture loss during washing (it gets a bit dry after washing). But my partner, bless her, is absolutely adamant that it’s too early to do any such thing (he’s 6-nearly-7 weeks old).

        Mixed Mama, your advice about being my patient and loving and towards my newborn baby mama has NOT fallen on deaf ears. Upon redig your words I realised that after all we/SHE went through to have this child, all the IVF sessions etc, AND to finally having our son here, she is very hormonal right now – so I guess my er, ‘pouting’ about how to treat our sons hair could be put away for now (lol).

        Maybe in 3 months time when our sons hair really comes into its own, at THAT time we’ll start coming to a compromise and managing our sons hair… hopefully…

        • Haha – are you a writer? I was laughing, intrigued, invested!!! But for real… you should write.

          But back to the point – I think giving her some time and patience is key. You can get books and read articles together in the mean time. Introduce her to blogs and fb groups about multiracial hair (I have one – Mixed Family Community – https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheMixedMamaCommunity/?ref=share) If you let her come to the conclusions herself it will be much smoother!! Lol.

          • Azzard Gordon

            A writer!

            Who dear?
            Me dear?
            Write dear?
            No dear!!!

            heh heh …I wish…

            I wouldn’t know the first thing to write about… then again, I DID hear somebody say once/what was it?

            “A writer writes”…
            (or did I hear it in a movie?.. yup it was a movie: ‘Throw Momma from the Train’)

            nvm, cuz I ALSO heard someone say:

            “Start writing by writing what you know…”

            …and I do know a fair bit, but right now? I just wish I knew how to get THIS WOMAN TO OIL MY SONS HEAD!!! LOL!!!

            All Jokes aside, reading your words in the first post really calmed me down and changed my thinking on how we/do we treat our sons hair at 6weeks old.

            At the time of reading your words I was changing my sons nappy and watching the Michael Jordan/Chicago Bulls doc “The Last Dance” on Netflix… and the tears I shed about said team and player quickly switched to tears about the shame I felt about not, er… ‘entirely’ recognising/acknowledging the protective ’New Momma’ and ‘rattled hormones’ in my partner… I think I’m smart but I’m not… not really.

            But I am human, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t still sigh when I stroke my sons head (maaaaan comb his head, not brush it!), but hey, what with the Pandemic and being holed up at home/one hour bleeding into the next yet having this amazing family and the kid I always ALWAYS wanted in my arms!?!… what the hell am I moping for!

            I will try and get my missus to check out the Facebook page you recommended, and when I say “try to check out” I mean with all the suave and sly and stealth of a black James Bond (Idris4EVER!) I will coerce/manipulate/trick her into viewing said site(s) lol… but yes, I agree – she needs to come to her own conclusions…

            Funny side thing – I did what any self respecting man does when faced a crises of this kind (regarding his hair), I called my mom, pop and sis (lol)… and they all kind of said the same thing:

            “Yes we agree, his hair SHOULD be treated (ever-so gently mind you)”

            …but ‘cuz they love my missus so, they also said:

            “Maybe she’s right/be patient Az/etc etc etc…”

            Ha!

          • Hahaha. You should write! You have a fun and interesting way of writing…

            But anyways… don’t feel shame! Its ok to forget sometimes (or not even know) the struggles others are going through. Its ok. The fact that you got on the internet and searched for answers is very comendable (that might be spelled wrong)!
            With this pandemic going on… we all need to give others AND ourselves some grace and love. Its ok. It’ll be ok. 😁

  46. Leslie

    Oh man can I feel the love you have for your partner. I have all the confidence in the world (after reading your response) that together you both will figure this out. Definitely follow Mixed Mama! She has helped me more than most blogs or advice/ how-to articles I’ve read. As the (Caucasian) grandmother of 3 beautifully unique multiracial kids (each having very different hair care needs) I have learned a lot through reading and I feel you will as well. (And some trial and error) I wish the best for you and your partner.

    • Awwww thank you Leslie – so glad I was able to help. I completelt agree that you can feel the love for his partner through his writing! 🥰

  47. Jenny Agbortogho

    Thanks for all the great info! My biracial daughter is 4, and does not seem to have enough hair yet to braid. I do most of what you have suggested, as far as washing once a week, using a comb, etc… However, I have recently started combing it every morning, first wetting it with a conditioning detangler. If I don’t, it gets so dry, tangled, and out of control. Do you suggest not combing it everyday (which would make her really happy!)? If that’s the case, what do I do each morning to tame it; make sure it’s not a tangled mess? We haven’t done much styling up to this point; she really does not like much in it. So, I usually comb it and let it be after that. Thank for any help you can provide.

    • Hi! Personally I would at least detangle it everyday if you can manage. That avoids knots getting out of hand and then turning into a nightmare! 😬 That would be worse! You can do little sections w/ponies to help keep knots from developing. When my girls hair was shorter I would divide it into two on top and then 4 once the back was a bit longer.

  48. Brittany

    Hi there my daughter is 6 months. So would washing once a week with shampoo and conditioner and putting a leave in every day ? Or oil it every day?

    • Hi! Depending on her hair type you may not not need to do leave in everyday. Oil may be too much at her age but again it depends on her hair. I would refresh with some sprayed water, a tiny bit of leave in, and a TINY TINY bit of oil if necessary on ends.

  49. Ashley

    My daughter just turned a year old, the top of head is loose bouncy curls about 4in long when you pull it straight. The back and sides are still growing in. The top is pretty much like my hair white but the back is growing in a little textured and very dry. Is she too young to start using products and why would the two areas be growing in so different? Is the hair growing in the back textured mean eventually the rest of her hair will be that way?

    • Hi Ashley! My daughters hair started to grow darn near exactly like how you describe! 😁 I startes using a leave in conditioner in my kids hair around then and for my daughter I used a more creme one in the back and a thinner/lighter one on top to get the back moisture.

  50. Kat

    Hi there! My daughter has a mix of straight and curly hair. Her straight hair is along the front and sides. Her curly hair is at the top and along the mid/back area. Her straight hair seems to be thinning more and more in the front. I’ve been careful with her curly hair by only shampooing 1-2 days week and always using conditioner and leave in cream. I like the Shea Moisture products on her and her curls seem fine, but am I neglecting her straight hair? If there is such a thing!? She’s 3 years old. Her doc just said to keep an eye on it. But it’s been going on and seems to be getting worse since last year. Any suggestions on what to do?

    • I would have her doc look more closely… hair loss like that shouldn’t be happening. Maybe something is up with her scalp?
      If its not that serious, are you using the same products on both areas? Maybe the products good for her curls are too “heavy” for her straighter hair?
      Do you have a hair salon in your area run by women of color? They may have some ideas too after seeing her in person. 😁

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